When our family
and friends heard that we were adopting three children
from an orphanage in Ukraine they were stunned. We had
already reared three children of our own, had founded
and were running a children’s home in Tennessee and were
traveling internationally to teach on marriage and parenting
issues. Our plates were full! And we were already helping
lots of children.
Our three biological
children reacted with various levels of disbelief. Our
oldest son Paul, who has had twenty-five surgeries in
his twenty-four years related to his birth defect Spina
Bifida, was the most willing to accept the idea. Paul
has always had an extremely tender heart and the opportunity
to get this sibling group out of great difficulty and
teach them about the Savior’s love warmed his heart quickly.
Our second son Clayton was in Law School and used his
best arguments to gently suggest that he questioned our
judgment: “You finally have the freedom to travel, Dad’s
preaching ministry is taking off, and now you’re going
to tie yourselves down again? It doesn’t make sense.”
Our youngest son Andrew was in college preparing for seminary.
He was clearly skeptical, but he measured his words carefully,
“Just be sure to pray and then do whatever God tells you!”
We tried to explain
that the decision to adopt was not our idea. It was a
very emphatic call from God that we could not deny. Our
only choice was whether we would trust God and obey. Looking
back now, it’s easy to see that God was preparing us for
these three children. But at the time, this adoption seemed
like a strange detour from the path we had been on for
decades.
The needs of
children had been on our heart from our teen years and
our mutual calling to start a children’s home was impressed
on us before we met each other. Starting our marriage
as houseparents and teachers at a children’s home, then
spending a dozen years in pastoral ministry was great
preparation for the founding of Wears
Valley Ranch, a home and school for children from
families in crisis. Caring for children from tragic situations
was in line with our life’s work, but in order to minister
effectively to a growing number of children, our method
had developed into directing a team of people who share
our vision. We have four homes on our campus with a tremendous
staff of houseparents and teachers, therapists and others
who provide the children at the Ranch with excellent care.
We also have a
great burden for strengthening marriages and equipping
parents to rear their children for Christ. We would love
it if there were no need for our children’s home! In order
to be able to serve the Ranch without taking a salary,
we started a separate ministry traveling, speaking and
writing books. Our last son had left home for college,
our life was extremely busy and happy, so the idea of
adoption did not seem to fit our strategic plan. How would
we adjust to having three little strangers from another
culture who couldn’t speak our language and didn’t know
our way of life? How would they adjust to us and to our
hectic lifestyle? What sort of physical and emotional
problems would they bring with them? Would we enjoy them?
Could we afford them…emotionally and financially? Still,
we knew this adoption was from God!
We had been corresponding
with various overseas ministries and had been personally
involved in ministry in the former Soviet Union since
our first trip to Ukraine in 1993. Among the missionaries
we were trying to encourage was a couple we had only met
through email after they had discovered our Wears Valley
Ranch website. They served in a region of Ukraine where
we had never traveled. They had bought a house in a village
where there was a small government run orphanage. They
were trying to meet some of the physical, emotional and
educational needs of the children and staff in order to
have a platform to share the gospel with the whole village.
For months, we had exchanged emails and had tried to include
a visit to their village in one of our overseas trips.
We were very interested in helping them to address the
needs of the children in the orphanage.
In one of her emails,
the young missionary told stories concerning about a half
dozen of the most needy children, and the description
of one boy seemed to leap off the screen. I called for
Jim to come so that I could read the email aloud to him.
There was only one paragraph in the email about this boy,
and it mostly spoke of his extreme educational needs.
His was simply one of several stories she was sharing.
There was nothing concerning his physical appearance,
and to many people his story might not have been the most
compelling. But when we read about him, we both knew that
God was asking us to adopt him. There was no pleading,
no guilt, just an overwhelming sense of the presence of
our loving Heavenly Father saying, “That boy is yours.”
We read on about other needy children and were surprised
to read a postscript, “By the way, in case anyone is interested,
[Stephen] is available for adoption as are his younger
brother and sister.”
That was it. We
didn’t know the ages of Stephen’s siblings. We didn’t
know their needs or temperaments. We only knew that God
had spoken, and we must seek to obey Him. Without saying
a word to me, Jim immediately left the room and called
the office of an agency that handles international adoptions.
When he explained that we wanted to adopt a group of siblings
from an orphanage in Ukraine, the social worker advised,
“Don’t get your hopes up. Ukraine can be difficult, and
I don’t know if we even have a contact in that part of
the country.”
Jim replied, “Don’t
worry. My hopes aren’t up. In fact, I’d be delighted if
this doesn’t work out. I’m just trying to be obedient
to God.”
Several hours later,
that same social worker called back, “ Well, it looks
as if God is already at work. I’m amazed. I called our
national office. They called our eastern European office
and discovered that our director for Eastern Europe arrived
in that region today for an initial three day visit to
establish a relationship with adoption officials there.”
As the next eleven
months took us on a roller coaster ride of emotions, we
were held steady by the assurance that God was the One
directing our steps. One of the confirmations was when
we finally saw the first photos of the children. The thirteen
year old looked EXACTLY like Jim! Our biological sons
look like their Dad, but none of them look as much like
him as Stephen does. By the time we met the children,
we loved them more than we dreamed possible. When a corrupt
judge violated Ukrainain law and prolonged our stay in
the country beyond the maximum allowed, God used it to
give me bonding time alone with the children. While I
was at first dismayed that what I expected to be a two
or three week stay became a two month stay, I look back
now with profound gratitude to God that He knows best.
Jim had to return home after three weeks and I moved into
a flat with the three children. While we had a translator
for part of each day, I had to depend on Stephen to buy
groceries and communicate for me. He knew the language,
had excellent survival skills and was delighted that his
new papa had entrusted him to care for me. For six weeks,
I really needed Stephen’s help as much as he needed mine.
And God gave the children opportunity to begin to learn
English before being thrust into a new culture.
Now Stephen is
fourteen, Elizabeth is ten and Peter is almost nine. Their
three older brothers dearly love them, and the love is
mutual! We celebrated the one-year anniversary of their
arrival in their new home on Easter. It was a wonderful
celebration. And the best part was the knowledge that
the One who put our family together sent His only Son
to die on the cross to make us part of His family forever.
How marvelous that our risen Lord would give us these
children! How amazing that He would give His life so that
we could be adopted into His family! Adopting these children
as our own has profoundly personalized God’s love for
us as His own. God’s will is good, acceptable and perfect.
It is sometimes hard, but it is always exciting.
